Dude, He's a Vampire
by Chthonic Spock
Summary: The epic tale of a young lady who meets the king of vampires in a late night diner. Rest assured, it only gets wackier from there.


_A/N : I… I don't know what this is. _

_xxxx_

"Dude, he's a vampire."

"No."

"_Look at him_, Robin. He's the palest thing I've ever seen. He probably hasn't seen the light of day in at least a century, har har."

"You're incredibly lame. And your imagination is hyperactive."

Robin swiveled around in her chair to shoot the "vampire" a glance. The individual was sitting ramrod straight in his chair, giving her a view of his white face.

She turned back to her friend and whispered furtively, "_God_, he's like, forty, Dory."

"_So_?"

"Well, _look at him_. He's awfully distinguished-looking. You shouldn't talk about your elders like that." She shot him another look over her shoulder. "His suit looks like it's tailored."

"Then what is he doing here, in a _late night _diner, I might add, without any food in front of him?" Dory wiggled her eyebrows provocatively at her diner-mate.

"Don't-"

"He's probably looking for his next _meal_, if you know what I mean!" Dory gave her friend a painful nudge in the ribs for added emphasis.

"Ouch! Dory, stop being such an ass!"

"Just as soon as you accept that there is a mythical being sitting before us. This is a once-in-a-lifetime event, Robin, and you're just letting it slip away with that prosaic mindset of yours."

"Realistic, I believe is the more appropriate word."

"You're no fun." Dory slumped down until she was eyelevel with her eggs. She frowned petulantly and pushed her runny food about the dish with her fork.

"It's two in the morning. I have a right to not be fun at two in the morning." Robin took a sip from her soda and made a face. "I'm getting more Coke. This one's gotten all watery."

"Whatever."

"Don't let your imagination run too wild while I'm gone," Robin called over her shoulder as she sauntered over to the soda dispenser. She filled up her plastic cup with the soft drink, secured it with a lid, and turned back to her table.

A moment later, her sneakers were drenched with Coke.

A courteous baritone invited itself into the shocked silence. "Pardon me, madam. I must have frightened you."

Robin stumbled backwards in surprise, her arms flailing for support. She grabbed onto the sticky surface of the cabinet behind her. "You came out of nowhere!" she sputtered at the man that had appeared before her.

"Actually, I came from over there," he replied, nodding to the chair he had previously occupied. Robin's eyes bulged as she realized that he was the man Dory had been blatantly staring at for the past quarter of an hour. "However, that is irrelevant. I'm afraid I am the cause of your sopping shoes."

A movement caught Robin's eye, and she looked up to see her friend, in one of her more brilliant displays of subtlety, kneeling on the booth seat, mouthing 'VAMPIRE' at her. Robin glanced at her shoes as her cheeks colored in embarrassment.

"Don't worry about it," she muttered, locking her legs together. "They, uh, needed a wash anyways."

"Hm," he murmured, ducking his head as he stared at her footwear. "Quite." He looked back up, catching Robin's pale brown eyes with his own, startlingly blue gaze. "Though perhaps an entirely new pair would be in order. Those shoes look rather old."

"Oh, the financial woes of a college student," Robin replied, laughing uncomfortably under his scrutiny. "But really, don't worry about it."

The man pursed his lips briefly in a slight display of annoyance.

"Robin, what are you doing over here, chatting it up with this mysterious stranger?" Dory wheedled, sidling into the scene.

The man continued to stare at her, a slight smirk playing on his lips. Robin felt as if she had been sucked into a pool of absolute nothingness. His eyes were filled with such secrets and misery; she simply couldn't bring herself to look away. Shattering this sudden spark, this connection, _oh,_ it would be blasphemous.

Dory cut through the silence again as she asked, "Hey, Rob, you OK here?"

Robin blinked as a hand was waved in front of her face, cutting off her view of the man with the entrancing eyes. "I'm fine! It's nothing. I was just, uh, talking about the state of my shoes."

Dory looked up at the somewhat imposing man before them. He gave her a chilly smile, his eyes shining eerily in the light. "Hello," he said, bowing slightly in greeting.

"Er. You're pale."

"_Dory_!" Robin hissed in astonishment. "There's lacking tact and then there's being completely inconsiderate!" She turned back to the courteous figure and gave him a conciliatory grin. "I apologize for my friend. It's a little too late for her. We all get a little bit wacky at two in the morning, right?"

"Indeed." The gentleman looked as if "wacky" was the absolute last word he would have ever used to describe himself. "Perhaps you ought to invest some energy in getting your dear friend home?" he prompted, raising a black brow slightly.

"Yeah," Robin muttered, taking a step towards the door with a pronounced squelch. "It was a, er, real pleasure meeting you."

The man acknowledged her with an elegant raise of his head. "I do apologize for the accident. I would never wish so ill an event to befall so lovely a young lady."

"Vampire!" Dory whispered furtively in her ear.

"Yes! We should be going!" Robin overrode loudly, yanking her comrade towards the door. "And once again," she called over her shoulder, "these shoes are absolute shit anyways. Just try not to sneak up on any other drink-carrying young women in the future!" The man inclined his head as she made a beeline for the exit, her over-imaginative friend in tow.

That night, Robin dreamt of vampires.

xxxx

_A/N: Fun!  
_


End file.
